my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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