True but thats because hes a fetus.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
