I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love having hate sex.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
