wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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