a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
