Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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