Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
