I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
