i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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