I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
