so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
