Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
