i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
