how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Found your dick twin last night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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