My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
