not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
