does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
