chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
