I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
