put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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