What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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