she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
