Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hippo gnu deer
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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