i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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