Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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