Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
