Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
