Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
