my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
