did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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