Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
