So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
