Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
