I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
