Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
