think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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