New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
