sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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