I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
