omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
