Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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