I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
