so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
