Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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