hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
