dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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