What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
