i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
