I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
