I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
