...so i touched it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
