I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
