I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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