I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
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