i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
