a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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