some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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