First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
