is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
