Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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