oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
