It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
