eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
