the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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