One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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