I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
