I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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