Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
