Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Rumble strips road head = magical
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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