You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
