In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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