How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
