Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
