Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
