you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
