Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
