hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
