It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
