This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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