I wannas sexs uuuuu
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
