I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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