I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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