I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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