i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
