It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
