I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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