roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
