Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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