i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
