Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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