I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
