Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
