she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
