We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize