I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
