If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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