I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
