the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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