it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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